Last week I spotted Channel Mum had put a hashtag out #YANA……You are not Alone.
It was about motherhood and although you are constantly with someone (small) and they are demanding your attention that sometimes it can be a lonely time.
Now at the time I couldn’t put down into words everything going around in my head (and you know what, I’m still not sure I can) but I wanted to dedicate a blog post to these emotions and spend a little bit of time thinking about how I feel.
When we decided to try for a Family, the idea of being lonely never crossed my mind.
I mean while pregnant you are sharing your own body with someone.
Something which is truly magical. Something that although had its downsides at time (the constant need to wee, the inability to get comfortable when trying to sleep, the gestational diabetes with P) it was miraculous (the feeling of them moving inside me, the realisation that my body was doing some truly unbelievable things and the knowledge that I was growing a part of me and my husband, someone who was going to need me forever). How could you possible ever feel alone again?
Well with motherhood came a lot of emotions.
Pure joy, fear of anything happening to our child, anticipation of what was to come next, concern that one particular stage might never end, exhaustion,
and unbelievable love.
Loneliness was something that didn’t hit for a while.
I was so wrapped up with LB i could spend hours simply staring at him.
After my emergency Caesarian I had people around the house helping me for weeks, so there was rarely a chance to think we were alone and when we were I felt relief at times that I could hog this gorgeous little boy all to myself. I was back at work so quickly due to it being my own business and being let down with maternity cover and i think although maybe a bit too soon, being thrown back into reality helped me stand on my own two feet as a new mother.
My loneliest time has been since having P.
I am never physically alone. P is almost always by my side except while napping.
LB if at home will not leave my side either ( a little sibling jealousy has meant that if P is on my lap so is he). Yet most days I feel completely overwhelmed and lonely.
I have some great friends and family but they all have a lot going on with work, their own families and you know life can get in the way. Some days it feels too much to burden them with whats going around my head. B is busy at work which means late nights and weekends too and I can’t currently drive. Six months of no car has meant i have felt completely and utterly stranded. Man do i wish i had the guts to get two kids on a bus but the idea just fills me with dread. This has certainly added to my feelings of loneliness and the more LB plays up or things don’t feel like they are going perfectly the harder it seems.
Some days i feel like I make my life harder for myself, some days I feel that my feelings aren’t justified, some days I sit there and think i’m absolutely useless.
Luckily my husband and others are always there to pick me up,
to tell me that I am not alone, that others feel like i do as well.
Sometimes they need to give me a kick up the butt and motivate me,
sometimes they give me a few hours to myself to put things into perspective,
sometimes they bring cake.
It’s wonderful on those days where everything seems too much, you know the ones when the preschooler hasn’t sat down once or stopped talking while creating the biggest mess alive and the baby refuses to sleep, pukes up all his milk and cries non stop that you can call a friend for a chat, have a good moan to your hubby or even go on Social Media and amongst the little squares of perfect there are mothers going
‘Oh my goodness today has sucked!!’
Moments I have felt lonely
When the Baby’s screaming in the middle of the night, while hubby snores.
When the hubby is working late or out at the weekend and I am doing the 400th puzzle/game and we have been to the park twice and all I want
is some adult conversation.
When I am worrying about the fact that the TV has been the babysitter for the day because I just can’t adult anymore and i feel like a complete failure.
How I stop/help my feelings of loneliness.
Talk it out.
Honestly half the time I’ve realised that either I am not alone or I am being completely ridiculous and can have a giggle over it.
Just chatting to a mum or nan at the park while LB runs off some energy can help with that adult conversation.
Making sure I get some me time.
Whether its a bath, reading a book, watching a film, hiding myself away for a little during the day whatever it is the calmer and happier i am the less lonely i feel.
Loneliness certainly rears its ugly head when i am feeling down.
When i am feeling sorry for myself.
It’s that feeling that all my thoughts are ridiculous and that no-one else has felt like this and maybe I’m just a bad mum,
I feel it when I don’t go out the house for a few days, the general mum guilt, when the tiredness just gets too much, those feelings of jealousy that my hubby gets to leave the house alone to go to work.
The crazy thing is that these low moments, these feelings of loneliness, feelings of failure, feelings of exhaustion are almost always dissipated with a cuppa or glass of wine with another mum. Someone who has been there done that and got the t-shirt. Someone who arrives with cake or biscuits, who lets you moan, cry, whatever you need but then completely agree ‘s with you until you go ‘ Oh so i’m not a complete idiot then’ Ummmmm No!!!
You are a mum, who cares so deeply for her children that you have these feelings in the first place, that you put them before you in a heartbeat, that you want to make them happy everyday by doing what they love. That make mums pretty damn special.
I just have to remember that!
I know exactly what i would say if a friend came to me with any of the feelings i have on a daily basis. I just need to remember to be a good friend to myself and understand that whatever I am going through or am about to go through, there are mums everywhere that are with me to support me, to laugh, to cry to down a bottle of wine with me and I’m forever grateful for that knowledge that I’ll never be alone in this amazing journey I just need to remember to reach out!