We have been a family of four for three weeks now and I can’t believe how easily P has fitted in. It feels like he has always been here and I almost don’t remember being pregnant at all.

When they asked me at the hospital how i was feeling emotionally after P’s birth I actually answered, more content than i have in the last 6 weeks.
And that was true!

For weeks before P’s birth I worried and fretted over  many things.
How we would cope as parents of two?
How LB would react and take to it all?
How would we cope financially?
What would the sleep deprivation be like with no chance to take day naps?
How would I feel if we had another boy, as we were almost certain he was a girl?
Would I lose myself a little more?

But you you know what none of it seems to matter now!

As soon as P was in my arms I felt a sense of relief that mostly things had gone to plan,
I felt a sense of calm that he was here safely and he was healthy,
I felt in control and like i knew what to do,
I felt like everything was going to be ok!

LB has been a superstar as a big brother, I have felt like my instincts have been correct and I have not worried so much and it’s been lovely to see that little more confidence in B as he holds P, as he was really scared when LB was small.

The only thing I haven’t been able to do is feel guilt free about sitting around!
We haven’t done much at all for the last 3 weeks.
A lot of time has been spent recovering on the sofa and being a bit lazy and I feel guilty that LB hasn’t had a little more activity going on.  However he has been at preschool each day and has been taken out by family and friends to give me a chance.  However during that time when I haven’t had LB, I have felt like should be using my time wisely.
By working, blogging, Christmas planning, reading or sleeping and in the end i have done nothing.  I have ended up on social media while cuddling P-now this should be more than enough, i should be grateful and thankful and like this is more than a good way to spend my time instead i feel unproductive as I’m always so active and I have a business I’m letting others deal with currently and thats a hard feeling to shift.

I feel so totally in awe of what me and B have created.
LB seems so grown up and P is just a perfect little bundle of pure squishiness!
I am so in love with all three of my boys and have felt like we’ve been living in a little bubble.

So now to cut myself some slack!
To remember what I have been through and think realistically about where I want to go.
What is most important?
Of course what comes first is my family
and everything and everyone else will just have to wait.

I’m linking up (almost a week late-oops) for my #Ordinary Moments over with MummyDaddyandMe