Ordinary Moments 16 #40 Thoughts

So here I am Tuesday 4th October 2016
– 4 days until my due date on Friday, 1 day before a crucial hospital appt which could determine everything and a week until baby will definitely be here
(if he/she wants to make the speedy entrance, after induction that I am hoping for that is)
As you can imagine my brain is going mental!
I meant to write up my ordinary moments as always in time for Sunday but here I am finally getting everything down on the laptop with no distractions, except my own brain.

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I apologise for the lack of anything exciting but today I just feel like giving you an overview of my thought processes this week-basically a complete brain dump.
I’m hoping in some ways it might be a little cathartic.
It may make you nod your head, chuckle a little at my craziness but mainly its a way for me to clear my head, as seriously i’m pretty sure my brain is about to explode.
I will not be offended if you don’t quite make it to the end of this post as to be honest I have no idea at this point quite how long this could go on for!

Now some of these thoughts are simply boring, crazy, stupid, rational as well as irrational, as well as frequently a complete contradiction to each other
but they have popped into my head more than once over the last week or so.
(As well as some photos from the week slotted in!)

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I can’t wait to

Hold our baby
See LB with his baby brother/sister
Roll onto my tummy, lay on it, sleep on it, squeeze past things again
Eat cake and drink a glass of Red
Get out the house pushing my baby in its new buggy with everything under control-yeah right!!
Relish in our family and what we have created
Realise we can do this!
Not be pregnant anymore
Get back to work
Have some time off and not feel guilty-wait hang on is that possible?!

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I should 

Be checking my emails/working/researching
Be putting the washing on, cleaning the kitchen,polishing…….
Be working out what to do for Hubby’s 40th Birthday in 11 days time
Be running around like a blue arsed fly
Be timing these contractions
Have spent more quality time with LB
Be working out how to bring in more money
Be selling everything we own to be able to afford this child
Be sitting down and taking the opportunity to rest and recharge
Be using every spare minute to get things done
Have organised to see people and caught up before its too late
Be doing something, not procrastinating
Be enjoying this last bit
Have spent spare time being productive like organising the thousands of photos on my phone/laptop
Have cooked up batch foods for the freezer
Be more motivated and disciplined

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I shouldn’t be

On Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest AGAIN
Making up a list of things I would love to buy if only I had the money
Standing in the baby’s room just staring out the window
Getting excited about Christmas
Overthinking EVERYTHING
Wondering what life would be like without kids
Sat on my butt
Wandering aimlessly around town wishing i could buy everything
Wishing the time away
Getting excited that these contractions mean anything
Getting so frustrated by everything/everyone
Taking my feelings out on B and LB
Craving (ok eating) biscuits and chocolate
Thinking about stuff – i should be doing it
Debating how I could make my house more adult and start decorating for the seasons-really not important right now!
Putting so much pressure on myself for everything to be perfect

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I’d like/need to add to my shopping list

New winter boots (I can’t believe B made me throw mine away.  I know they were about 10 years old with holes in but i could have got away with another year surely-honestly No)
Selfish Mother Jumper
Candles
A whole new wardrobe of fashionable/flattering clothes
A new house phone
Wedding Pictures and Baby photos on canvas
A library full of books-seriously i have a huge list (mainly motivational/self help)
Food – seriously the fridge/freezer/cupboards are bare

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I wish

Baby would come now-ok maybe tomorrow/or the next day
I knew how much this is gonna hurt-who am i kidding no i don’t
I could read some of my book without falling asleep or getting distracted
I didn’t suffer with migraines or cramp or heartburn
I could find Series 4 and 5 of New Girl which I don’t have to pay for
I could eat whatever I wanted
I could sleep for a week
I could put my shoes on and breathe at the same time
I had more guts/patience/energy/time/money
I was like some Instagram mums I follow
I didn’t need to go to the loo so damn frequently
I could bake
I could go on holiday
I could afford all the pretty things
I could find the work/life balance – I always do way more of one or the other and feel guilty the whole damn time!

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General

Thanks Boys for sharing your damn cold-perfect timing for me to give birth!
We need more fabric conditioner/toothpaste/teabags
Should I have another free trial of Netflix-will i use it?
I’m not sure how i am going to run my business and look after two kids
What do I really want in life?
Seriously I feel like I’m wearing my pyjamas out today/i want to be in my pyjamas
I wish i was even remotely fashionable
Am i going mental?
I wish I could afford…….
God my house is a tip
Why does no-one know where the dishwasher is?
I really can’t be arsed
Seriously I am a crazy woman why can I not just sit down and chill-guilt free!

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Baby Panicking

Can I skip the actual giving birth/labour bit please?
How are we going to cope with two?
Does hubby even want this baby?
Man I hope this baby isn’t as big as they are anticipating
How are we going to afford another baby?
What are we going to do if we can’t agree on a name?
What if its a girl and LB really does kick it (this has been mentioned numerous times)?
What if we don’t bond?
What if LB kicks off and becomes a nightmare child-how do we cope?
What if this puts too much strain on mine and B’s relationship?
What if i get postnatal depression?
Is this baby going to be as much of a drama as it has been the last few months of pregnancy?
What if its another boy and i decide I want to try again for a third-will B kill me or maybe just leave me?!

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Ok seriously I could be here all day-now for a quick cuppa before picking the boy up and deciding what to do with what could potentially be our last afternoon just the two of us for a while/or not-who knows!

Ordinary Moments - MummyDaddyMe

Linking up with Katie at MummyDaddyMe for this weeks #OrdinaryMoments

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2 thoughts on “Ordinary Moments 16 #40 Thoughts

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