Ordinary Moments #35 Emotions

Oh man have I felt every possible emotion the last few weeks!
I’m not sure whether it’s pregnancy hormones,
the end of the summer holidays approaching and being desperate to get back into a routine – yet at the same time gutted its nearly over,
or  whether it’s just me being a little crazy! 

I’m going with the emotions from Inside Out to describe this one………


Joy

We have had a lovely summer holiday.
Relaxed is not something i tend to feel anymore, however Joy is something i have felt at some point every day. Sometimes that has been all day when we have spent time out with family and friends and others just a small snippet like when LB told me he loved me without me telling him first or told me he was going to miss me while he was at Nannys, completely unprompted.img_4745

Also the baby preparation is finally under way.
We have started the nursery, all painted grey ready for its yellow touches and all the bits and pieces to go in there, as well as emptying the loft.
The sorting of all of LB’s baby bits and washing of clothes has also begun.  Its amazing to see all the tiny baby grows and vests again and I feel so lucky that we get to do this all again.
We have tried very hard to just go with what we already have as we can’t really afford to go all out like my little dream nursery plan, but I’m trying to make it look and feel as special as possible with some little touches, before baby arrives.

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Anger

Everyone and everything has been putting me on edge.
I am usually very laid back but I have got to the point where nearly everyone is bugging me, including myself.   I’m not going to go into detail of why and who as thats just unnecessary but i know most of it is me over-reacting or just taking everything too much to heart.  As well as getting overly frustrated that i just seem to be getting clumsier and
I have certainly lost my sense of humour.
For hubby to call me ‘aggressive’ (yep that didn’t go down well) which is certainly not a ‘me’ trait at all says something.
I have been finding it increasingly hard to do everything i usually can due to lack of space, brain power, comfort or tiredness and I have been getting  angry when B can’t get stuff done at the same speed as i’d like due to work commitments or he forgets that I’ve asked him to do something, even little things like bring something upstairs.
Oh Yes I have turned into a huffer!

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Sadness

I’ve been feeling teary and like i just can’t cope with everything already, let alone when baby comes.  Feeling completely overwhelmed by everything that needs doing with work and home, not feeling like i’ve given LB enough of a good summer before he’s not got me to himself anymore, feeling like a whale and in pain with my pelvis, amongst other things.  It all just seems to get on top of me every now and again and i turn into a blubbering wreck, tiredness certainly doesn’t help and all i can think is oh god i’ll be getting less sleep soon.

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Fear

New baby will be here within a matter of weeks now – under 6 weeks to be exact.
Obviously this is completely on my brain permanently.
Feeling scared about the birth, how we are going to cope physically and financially, how LB is going to take to being a big brother.
I am being monitored weekly at the minute and hopefully next week they will see at the scan whether baby is growing too big and whether they will induce me early.  Part of me hopes they do.  I loved being pregnant with LB and I must admit until the last few weeks have found this time great too but i’m kind of done now.  I’ll be 35 weeks on Friday and they may induce me from 38 weeks – so that only leaves 3 weeks.
I was induced with LB and then ended up with an emergency C section . I am hoping to do it naturally this time round, but i have a feeling as the last few weeks have been a drama the birth will probably end up this way too.
Im definitely more scared this time round than i was with Little B.

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I’m also worried about how my business will cope without me-yes i know i’ve done it before and it survived but it was tight and i went back a lot sooner than i had hoped to.
I’m trying to get everything as organised as possible before baby comes and as I can’t afford for anyone to do all my admin as well as my teaching I will still be doing that, though i do have some fab teachers and friends to help, even if i am rubbish at asking for it.  Also i’m worried that parents and students are going to want me back and/or finances are going to demand it sooner than i am ready and that scares me as I’m really bad at saying No.
I’d also like to keep on top of this little blog of mine and I wonder how thats going to be possible amongst it all-though obviously thats the least of the worries.

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Disgust

Ok this one feels like quite a strong word but i have felt it occasionally towards the state of my house, as well as the hubby.
Yep i can’t deny i have looked at him sometimes and thought GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I’ve also felt disgusted at me.
Although what my body is doing is damn amazing and i completely appreciate it,
i catch myself in the mirror sometimes and think Yuck!
Honestly I’ve not put on a huge amount of weight in fact with the weight i lost at the beginning and then again recently since being diagnosed with GDM it stands at under a stone, but i think that B must be looking at me thinking what the hell do you look like and why are we doing this. Apparently I’m talking rubbish after voicing these opinions though which is nice to hear.
Also I’m disgusted that i allow myself to get into this little emotional rut instead of manning up and pulling myself out of it.
All i want to do is lay on the sofa, eat ice cream from a tub and cry into a sad film.
And I can’t even have the ice cream!!

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Ok so theres a little bleurgh moment of my current emotions and man I’m sure its going to get worse over the coming months but hey at least I’ll be able to sleep on my front, stare lovingly at another gorgeous human we have created and eat cake again.

Oh and Katie look what I found in our baby grows from LB…..

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I’m linking up with Katie over at MummyDaddyMe for this weeks #OrdinaryMoments.

Ordinary Moments - MummyDaddyMe

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