So here I am at 17 weeks + 5 days and I am mixed between feeling like
the weeks seem to be going so slowly and the 7th October is a million years away
and knowing full well it’ll be here before i know it!
I have started to feel little flutterings now and am desperate to feel a proper kick.
I have been thinking I’ve been feeling something since about week 14 but that was probably wishful thinking.
Yesterday I laid down on my left side and definitely felt a fewer harder kicks and i just didn’t want to move. I could hear LB downstairs driving his Daddy mental with repetitive moaning and that brought me back to the present a little too sharply.
I’ve been feeling a little anxious this time round, much more than i did the first time.
I am much more aware of the possibility of miscarriage and stillbirth, having had friends suffer both in the last few months. I am also aware of friends who have been struggling to conceive their second child and although i want to log all the little flutterings and feelings I’ve held back in thought of all those out there who would love to be where i am right now.
I have also had the How the hell are we going to cope with two? question spinning around my head too. However i remember thinking this with the thought of having a child at all and obviously here we are with a happy healthy three year old who drives us mental but we love more than anything. I have to keep telling myself and other people have been telling me too that we will just do it without even really thinking about it.
Am i a good mum?
I’ve been questioning the way I am with LB.
Do i spend enough time with him?
Is it quality time?
How is he going to feel when he isn’t our number one all the time and will be sharing everything and everyone who has given him undivided attention for so long?
After a VBAC Appointment last week i’m now thinking about the birth.
I had an emergency C-section as LB was breach but i had been induced and was already 4-5 cm dilated before this was discovered, so i understand the contractions pain just not the pushing bit. I’ve now started thinking about this, a bit too much!
I am very Tired! More so than i felt with LB.
Though when i announced my first pregnancy people said thats why you’ve been so tired recently, however this time round they all said how on earth have you been doing all this work putting on a show etc without us realising. So maybe its not so obvious.
This week has seen a few twinges in my lower back.
With LB i was monitored closely for PSD as I’m hyper mobile and am a little worried this may be an issue again so i definitely need to keep an eye on that.
I sleep on my front normally and have started to feel that this isn’t possible much now and also when I’m demonstrating moves at dance i’ve noticed my little bump getting in the way. Its frustrating however feels really good!
So far we’ve done nothing but start throwing names at each other-unsuccessfully!
LB’s name was pretty much the only one we agreed on and we love it. As soon as we had him in our arms we looked at each other and knew that we were happy with our name.
We are finding it hard again this time to agree.
I know we have loads of time, but it currently feels like our child will be 5yrs old
with no name.
We are not finding out the sex,
we didn’t with LB either and its funny the mixed comments we get about this.
Some people are gutted and can’t understand why we don’t want to know
and others think the surprise is lovely.
I just think if we find out its a girl i’ll spend a fortune before she’s born
and it might give me that extra incentive to push, wanting to desperately know!
Most of our newborn clothing is neutral anyway and we have plenty of family who have baby girl clothing if it does go that way.
If its another boy we’re prepared.
A new carseat and buggy will need to be purchased as ours were destroyed in a fire but apart from that i feel we probably have everything. We will get it all down from the loft and have a good look over the summer i guess to get a better idea.
I am already feeling nervous yet unbelievably excited about meeting this one
and just hope with all my heart that i am one of the lucky ones.